ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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