I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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