yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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