eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
sarcasm needs its own font
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
