you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
