Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
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i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
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Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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