He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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