You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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