i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
