haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
