Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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