You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I deserve this hangover.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
