Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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