she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
