i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
