Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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