I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
this boner is exhausting
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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