I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
