last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
