She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
