Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
