I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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