my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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