you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i don't like sucking hair
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This baby is an asshole
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
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