They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i need some magic done to my vagina
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
