Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
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You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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