WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
