just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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