so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
