Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
