the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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