Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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