a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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