It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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