Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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