tell your sister to shave her snatch
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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