i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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