So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
