And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize