I'm jealous of your bromance
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
