I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
