New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
