Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
