So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
