Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
