Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
