So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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