he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
