I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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