I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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