apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
