Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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