Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
