someone threw a dead crab at me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
