Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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