it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
