Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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