it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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