im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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