I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
