I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
