I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
