After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
