I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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