They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
