I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
